Discovering Strength in Being an Outsider: Turning Feelings of Not Belonging into Your Greatest Asset

Have you ever felt like an outsider? The sense that everyone around you seems to have some secret code for connection and belonging—except you? If so, you’re not alone. The feeling of being on the outside looking in is more common than many of us realize, and it can be deeply isolating. Yet, paradoxically, it can also be a source of incredible strength and insight.

I’ve experienced the outsider feeling for most of my life. It began when I was just eight years old, sent off to boarding school due to my father’s job. Though I went home for holidays, I slowly lost touch with the “language” of a traditional Indian upbringing. My way of coping was to excel in accomplishments, equating productivity with self-worth. I became a highly functional outsider—someone who could navigate and excel in different worlds without ever truly feeling that I belonged in any of them.

Navigating New Worlds: From India to America

The feeling of being an outsider intensified when I moved from India to Washington, D.C., for graduate school, and later to Seattle for work. These moves required me to navigate multiple unfamiliar worlds simultaneously.

The first of these worlds was America itself. Everything was new—from the currency to the food to the accents. I distinctly remember a classmate asking if my dad rode an elephant to work. In an attempt to make light of the situation, I replied, “only on Tuesdays,” before realizing that he wasn’t joking. That moment encapsulated the deep cultural divide I had to bridge daily.

The second world was the male-dominated, hard-edged environment of high-tech. In the mid-90s, I joined Microsoft, one of the few women of color in a predominantly white, male industry. To make matters more challenging, I didn’t have a tech background—I came from journalism. Navigating this world required me to constantly prove my worth in an environment where I often felt out of place.

The third world was the Indian community in America. My long history of not enjoying big cultural gatherings caught up with me. As a child, I could hide out in the background, but as an adult, I was expected to know and fall into the rhythms of the community, but I did not. Despite my upbringing, I felt like I was failing not only my family and social group but also myself. For a decade, I carried a deep sense of shame for not fitting in, for not being able to seamlessly blend into a community that was supposed to be mine by birthright.

Transforming the Outsider Feeling into an Edge

Despite these challenges, my career at Microsoft flourished. I worked in various roles, from journalism at MSNBC and SLATE Magazine to gaming at Xbox, productivity at Microsoft Office, and digital marketing at Microsoft.com. What I began to realize over time was that my outsider perspective was not a weakness; it was, in fact, a strength.

Take, for example, my role at Xbox. When I was hired to run Xbox.com, I didn’t know the front of an Xbox from the back. But that didn’t matter. Being an outsider allowed me to view business and people systems objectively. It gave me the ability to connect with team members who, like me, felt like misfits in one way or another. I could see opportunities where others saw obstacles, think differently when others were stuck in conventional patterns, and navigate complex worlds without losing myself in them.

In every role I’ve taken on—whether as a leader at Microsoft, a coach to top executives and teams, or as a public speaker—my outsider perspective has been my greatest asset. It has become what I call my #OutsidersEdge. This edge allows me to approach challenges with a fresh perspective, see things that others might overlook, and, most gratifying of all, help others find their own edge.

The Hidden Power of Feeling Different

The things we struggle with and often keep hidden are frequently the keys to unlocking the power of “different.” Our society tends to push us toward conformity, to fit in, to be like everyone else. But the real power lies in owning what makes us unique, even if it’s the very thing that makes us feel like an outsider.

For years, I tried to suppress the feelings and experiences that made me feel different. I tried to blend in, to conform, to be like everyone else. But it was only when I acknowledged and accepted my outsider status—when I stopped trying to fit in and started to own my differences—that I began to see their true value. My outsider status allowed me to approach problems differently, to connect with people who also felt like they didn’t belong, and to bring a unique perspective to every situation I encountered.

Finding Your Own Outsider’s Edge

So, I ask you: What makes you feel like an outsider? What is it about you that makes you feel like you don’t quite fit in? Instead of seeing these things as weaknesses, can you flip the script and view them as strengths? Can you make them your edge?

Owning your outsider status is not about trying to fit in. It’s about recognizing that the very things that make you feel different are the things that can set you apart in the best possible way. They are the qualities that can give you a unique perspective, allow you to connect with others who feel similarly, and ultimately, help you make contributions that are truly your own.

Conclusion: Turning Difference into Strength

Being an outsider can be tough. It can be lonely, isolating, and sometimes painful. But it can also be incredibly empowering. When you stop trying to fit in and start owning what makes you different, you unlock a power that is uniquely yours.

In my journey, I’ve learned that the outsider feeling doesn’t have to be something you run from. It can be something you run toward. It can be the very thing that fuels your greatest successes and allows you to make a difference in the world.

The next time you feel like an outsider, remember: You’re not alone, and you possess a unique edge—a perspective that can help you navigate the complexities of life and work in a way that is entirely your own. Embrace that edge, let it guide you, and watch as it transforms your experiences and opportunities.

Ask yourself today: What makes you feel like an outsider, and how can you turn that feeling into your greatest strength?