Growing Up as an Outsider: Embracing a Unique Journey
Growing up, I often felt like an outsider, a sentiment that profoundly shaped my identity and the lens through which I view the world. It wasn’t one defining moment or a single experience that set me apart—it was a culmination of moments that arose from being immersed in two different cultures yet never fully belonging to either.
The Early Disconnect
At the tender age of eight, I was sent off to boarding school due to my father’s job. While this decision was made with the best intentions, it inadvertently placed me at a distance from the cultural tapestry that surrounded my peers. Boarding school became my world, one that was insulated from the vibrant traditions and familial rhythms of our community.
At home, Bollywood movies with their colorful storytelling were a staple of family life, but I rarely had the chance to immerse myself in them. Multiday religious festivals and weddings, filled with rituals and joyous gatherings, often felt foreign to me. And the transition from the simplicity of a school uniform to the grace and elegance of wearing a sari? That felt like a chasm I didn’t know how to bridge.
My friends and family didn’t just know how to navigate these traditions; they seemed to revel in them. Meanwhile, I found myself feeling overwhelmed, ashamed of my discomfort, and acutely aware of my status as the outsider looking in.
A Cultural Struggle
I want to be clear—I have deep respect and love for the traditions of my homeland. They are rich, meaningful, and deeply rooted in history and community. But my own experiences, or lack thereof, often highlighted a disconnect that I couldn’t ignore.
This sense of not belonging extended beyond India. As an Indian immigrant in the United States, I found myself navigating a new culture with its own complexities. I was caught in a liminal space, straddling two worlds without fully inhabiting either. In India, I was the girl who couldn’t quite keep up with traditional norms. In the U.S., I was the newcomer adapting to unfamiliar customs and expectations.
The Emotional Toll of Being an Outsider
The feeling of being an outsider is more than just situational—it’s emotional and deeply personal. It’s the quiet discomfort at a family gathering when you don’t know the words to a traditional song. It’s the hesitation to ask a question for fear of exposing your ignorance. It’s the internal dialogue of self-criticism that constantly whispers, “You don’t belong.”
This sense of disconnection brought with it a mix of emotions—shame, frustration, and longing. I was ashamed of being overwhelmed by what should have been familiar. I was frustrated that something so natural for others felt so foreign to me. And I longed for the ease and joy that others seemed to experience effortlessly.
Time, Acceptance, and Growth
With time, many of these insecurities have softened. Perhaps I’ve grown more accepting of the disconnects, or maybe I’ve learned to embrace the uniqueness of my path. Either way, the journey of reconciling these feelings is ongoing.
I’ve come to realize that being an outsider isn’t inherently negative. It offers a unique perspective, a way of seeing the world that bridges different cultures and experiences. It’s given me empathy for others who feel like they don’t belong, whether because of their background, circumstances, or choices.
Embracing my individuality has also allowed me to carve out a life that feels authentic. I may not follow every tradition to the letter, but I find ways to honor my heritage that resonate with me. For example, I’ve developed a love for certain rituals and celebrations that I connect with deeply, even if I don’t participate in every aspect.
Finding Meaning in the Journey
Being an outsider has taught me the value of adaptability. It’s shown me the beauty of cultural fusion, where traditions can coexist and evolve rather than being confined to rigid norms. It’s reminded me that identity isn’t static—it’s a fluid, evolving tapestry that reflects the sum of our experiences.
I’ve also learned to find strength in vulnerability. Admitting that I didn’t feel at home in my own culture was difficult, but it opened the door to conversations with others who felt the same. What I discovered was a shared humanity—a recognition that many of us carry similar insecurities and struggles, even if they manifest differently.
Lessons for Others
If you’ve ever felt like an outsider, I want you to know that you’re not alone. Feeling disconnected from a group, a tradition, or even a sense of self can be isolating, but it can also be transformative. It’s an opportunity to reflect, grow, and redefine what belonging means to you.
Here are a few lessons I’ve learned from my journey:
Embrace Your Unique Perspective: Being an outsider allows you to see things differently, to notice the “negative space” that others might overlook. This perspective is valuable—it can spark creativity, foster empathy, and open new doors.
Create Your Own Traditions: If traditional norms don’t resonate with you, find ways to honor your heritage in a way that feels authentic. Your culture is part of your story, but it doesn’t have to dictate every chapter.
Find Connection in Vulnerability: Sharing your experiences with others can create bonds that transcend differences. Often, we discover that we’re not as alone as we think.
Be Patient With Yourself: Reconciling feelings of disconnection takes time. Allow yourself grace as you navigate the complexities of identity and belonging.
Celebrate Growth: Every step you take toward understanding yourself is worth celebrating. Growth doesn’t happen overnight, but each small realization contributes to the bigger picture.
A Universal Experience
While my story is rooted in the specifics of my cultural background, the experience of feeling like an outsider is universal. Whether it’s starting a new job, moving to a different city, or navigating a personal challenge, we all encounter moments where we feel out of place.
What matters is how we respond. Do we retreat into ourselves, or do we step forward with curiosity and courage? Do we dwell on what separates us, or do we seek common ground?
Looking Ahead
My journey as an outsider has shaped who I am today, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It’s taught me resilience, adaptability, and the power of connection. It’s given me a greater appreciation for the traditions I grew up with, even as I forge my own path.
So, I leave you with this question: Have you ever felt like an outsider? How has it shaped your journey?
By embracing our unique paths, we not only grow as individuals but also enrich the communities we’re part of. And in a world that often feels divided, that’s a lesson worth carrying forward.