The Story Behind the Smile: Embracing Vulnerability and Reclaiming Power
The overwhelming love and support my last post has received has been truly heartwarming. But there's a deeper story behind that smile you see in the photos. It’s a story that took decades to unfold—a journey from shame and insecurity to self-acceptance and empowerment.
For much of my life, I hated being photographed. My aversion to the camera wasn’t just a matter of shyness or the lack of experience smiling into lenses, which was quite common in my Indian upbringing. In fact, in many cultures, the typical moments that acclimate people to being photographed—like yearbook photos or holiday cards—simply weren’t a thing during my childhood.
This wasn’t due to economic deprivation or any similar reason. It was just how things were done in our culture. Smiling in photos was not a norm. I should clarify that this was my personal experience, but it’s one that was shared by many others in my community. When it came to family photos, we didn’t smile—we glared.
So, you can imagine the culture shock I experienced when I moved to the United States and was suddenly surrounded by dazzling, effortless American smiles. It was more than just an adjustment; it was a jarring experience that highlighted how different I felt. But there was more to my discomfort with being photographed than just cultural differences.
The Root of the Shame
The real reason behind my discomfort in front of the camera was rooted in a deep-seated shame that had been planted by a toxic friend many years ago. This friend, an avid amateur photographer, inadvertently destroyed my confidence one click at a time with demeaning comments about my smile. Looking back, I don’t think his intentions were malicious, but the impact was devastating and long-lasting.
Whenever I protested or expressed discomfort, I was met with dismissive remarks like, "Stop being so sensitive." For years, I tolerated this treatment, hating the feeling of being objectified yet feeling like there was a price to pay if I didn’t fit in. The shame that took root during those years stayed with me for decades, silently influencing how I saw myself and how I interacted with others.
A Turning Point
It wasn’t until last fall that I was forced to confront my fear head-on. I had to face two photoshoots with no way to avoid them. My network connected me with Stephen Smith, a talented designer and photographer. I was apprehensive but met with him and decided to share my phobia.
What happened next was nothing short of a miracle. Stephen helped me reclaim my story and write a different ending. He saw me for who I was and didn’t judge me. Instead, he helped me work through my fear of the camera with empathy and understanding. His skill and kindness not only got me through the first photoshoot but actually had me looking forward to the second.
Lessons in Empowerment
My journey with Stephen reminded me of three important lessons I learned from my mentor, Dr. Brené Brown, lessons that I have shared with thousands of keynote and workshop participants over the years:
Don't Give Away Your Power
Be highly selective of who gets a vote in your life. If someone is pulling you down, they don’t deserve a say in your journey. For years, I allowed someone else’s negative comments to shape how I saw myself. I gave away my power by letting those words dictate my confidence and self-worth. But you have the right to take back that power and decide whose opinions truly matter.
Shame Thrives on Silence, Secrecy, and Judgment. Empathy is the Antidote.
As Dr. Brené Brown says, "Shame is the feeling that you are so broken, so flawed, that you are undeserving of love and belonging." For nearly 30 years, I allowed my shame to linger, keeping it hidden and letting it fester. It’s ironic, given that I have spent so much of my career supporting leaders in stepping into their full power—without apology. The truth is, shame cannot survive when it is met with empathy and understanding. Stephen’s empathy allowed me to confront my shame and begin the healing process.
Walking Into Your Story Puts You Back in Charge
You get to rewrite the ending to your story. There is no courage without vulnerability, but the payoff is worth it. By facing my fear and sharing my story, I took back control. I realized that I had the power to change the narrative and that my story didn’t have to end with shame and insecurity. There is incredible strength in vulnerability, and it is through this openness that we can truly reclaim our power.
Embracing Your True Self
So, that’s the story behind the smile. It has taken me a long time to rewrite the ending, but I am finally in a place where I can embrace my differences. Smiling differently, being different—these things are what make me unique. And that is something to be celebrated, not hidden.
This journey has also given me a deeper understanding of diversity. We all know what it feels like to be the outsider, to feel like we don’t belong. But it is in embracing this universal human experience together that we can build the bridge from diversity to inclusion. By accepting and celebrating our differences, we unlock our true power and create environments where everyone can thrive.
Unlocking the Power of Inclusivity
When leaders make it safe for people to embrace their "outsiderness," they become the rocket fuel for performance and belonging. It’s time to unlock your outside edge, to lean into what makes you different and use it as a source of strength.
In sharing my story, I hope to inspire others to confront their own fears and to take back the power that may have been lost along the way. You are the author of your own story, and you have the power to rewrite the ending. So, let’s embrace our differences, celebrate our unique journeys, and create a world where everyone feels seen, valued, and empowered.
That’s the true story behind the smile. It’s not just a smile; it’s a symbol of resilience, empowerment, and the courage to be unapologetically yourself.